You’ve heard the saying about someone who is flying out of control, seemingly without apparent cause: “Not my monkey. Not my circus!” I’ve even said that about a friend who turns every molehill into a mountain. It was my way of separating myself, not getting pulled into her drama and trauma.
I gained a new perspective this week. It WAS my monkey and my circus.
My annual bloodwork results were received in an email. I basically get the same tests done, year after year. The results are familiar. I’m aware of my potential health issues…and I expect most everything in the results to be in the “normal” range, in that first column of numbers that means all is well in my body.
You know what I mean, right?
This time I was surprised. Right there in the middle of the vast list of normal results was the word “High”. But in bloodwork that word is printed in its own column in capital letters…And. Bold.
Ya can’t miss it, right? Might as well be neon yellow like the street signs that say “School Zone”.
I didn’t expect to see HIGH. My heart began beating a little faster. I felt my stress level rise.
My mind, as our minds do, went straight to DANGER. I began having conversations in my mind with my doctor and with my husband and with my son. My fingers immediately went to Google.
My mind was off and running…straight into a quagmire of un-health. Of being older; every discomfort, pain, and concern was suddenly emboldened. Of lots more tests, some painful. Of medicines and procedures, which I avoid like the plague. Of arguing with doctors (I’m considered non-compliant in the traditional medical world).
All of that happened in three minutes flat! Zoom-Zoom-Zoom!!
Immediately, it was my monkey and it was my circus. Inside my mind there were three simultaneous rings of mental activity: fear, stress, and anxiety. The emotional circus took off on its own. I won’t say I panicked but I came darn close.
The Truth is, all of this re-action was unnecessary. Absolutely Pointless.