But I Can’t Change…I’m Set in My Ways!

Unsplash Ravi Patel

Remember when our grandparents came to visit? Bring up an image in your mind of how your Grandma or Grandpa looked.

I was lucky to have my maternal grandmother live with us as we kids were growing up. She was from the Appalachian Mountains and wore her waist-length hair in a braid wrapped around her head.

She said “young-uns” and we had spittoons around the house because, being a true mountain woman, Grandma chewed Copenhagen! She also collected hand-painted glass pitchers (each of us kids have one, in her memory). And, she was O.L.D.

Probably close to my age now, but Grandma was old.

She used to say “I can’t change…I’m set in my ways!”

Our elder women, back in the day, didn’t play tennis or hold professional careers into their 70’s; with exception, they didn’t paint or write books or teach seminars.

The other day I heard a similar comment from a woman, younger than me, who made excuses for her plight in life…but I can’t change, I’m set in my ways, she moaned.

We are not our grandmother’s grandmothers! We have more options; we have more laws on our side and we can do darn near anything we want to do.

So, why do so many women over the age of 50 feel “trapped” in life choices, unhappy with their lives, choosing to remain tethered to unhealthy marriages?

I have a couple of friends from high school (1967–68) who still wear the same hairstyle they did when they were 18. How’s that for set-in-my-ways?

It’s my opinion that women who avoid change in their lives are living in fear of something. Usually fear of not being enough.

Maybe they feel like they didn’t go to college, so they have nothing of value to share with other women. I felt that way for a long time. I went to college but didn’t graduate. For years, I allowed that fact to undermine my confidence. When I began my personal growth path, I discovered that many of the motivators, teachers, gurus we pay a lot of money to, and who we pay close attention and emulate, did not go to college…many dropped out of high school! We each have lessons to teach others…life experience is more valuable than formal education any day….that’s my opinion!