And Finally, I Got Up at 2 This Morning

It is 4:50 a.m. I’ve been awake since 1.

I laid there, thinking, trying to focus on a mantra, told songs in my head to STOP!,

and finally, I got up at 2.

Sleeping for 7 or 8 hours has never been a problem for me, until about two years ago. A lot has changed since I turned 70.

Sometimes I find myself saying (even out loud!) that things have gone to hell since my 70th birthday. That’s not an affirmation I intend to continue manifesting. So, I shout in my head (and sometimes say out loud) “Cancel!! Cancel!!!”

My experience now is that a few times a month, I sleep soundly for three or so hours, and I wake up feeling like I’m going to jump out of my skin.

Anxiety, I think.

Anxiety??!! I’M experiencing anxiety? (Pretty much, I’m in denial about that possibility.)

I know what to do:

· Breathe … slowly…in and out

· Choose a mantra … “Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung” I chant in my head

· Pray (“Please let me get to sleep”)

· Count imaginary sheep jumping over my wide-awake body

When none of that works,
I get up.