“3 Ways to Reflect on Your Wins…and Celebrate!”

By Mickie Zada

Those of us who have lived in domestic abuse are generally even quicker to criticize our own actions than the general population; we do not often reflect on our wins…and almost never celebrate small, positive forward action.

We are, however, quick to beat ourselves up for even the smallest mistake. That seems to be human nature. I don’t know why.

What I do know is that we are able to train ourselves to reflect on our wins, and to celebrate them!

Punishing ourselves for our mistakes…current and 30 years ago!…just happens. I often find myself, even mostly subconsciously, re-running movies in my mind of stupid things I‘ve said and done. Guilt raises its ugly head, right? “Stop it!” I often say out loud or “cancel-cancel!!”.

What we humans are not so good at is celebrating, even acknowledging, our wins…embracing the good things we’ve done for ourselves. We very rarely give ourselves credit for the small goals we achieve.

What’s strange is that we are achieving goals every single day…we are moving forward, taking baby steps that we give credit to ourselves for.

Here are 3 ways we can train ourselves to reflect on our wins, and celebrate.

1) Track daily habits. If you’re able, create a spreadsheet to track your daily habits and accomplishments. Otherwise, a sheet of paper (a notebook is best!) to track daily habits. One lesson I had a hard time accepting is that some days my best is not as good as other days…I still have done my best; it’s just not as “best” as some other times. If you’re just out of abuse, or this is your first holiday season alone, you may still, every single day, have the urge to call your ex, or text him. When you don’t, that’s a win! Write it down. Some days, my “best” is to jump in the car between appointments, grab a Starbucks coffee and drive to a park for a 15 minute break. I track that as a good day!
I took care of myself.

2) Weekly review. Choose a day a week that you review your written daily habits and actions. When you look over the whole week, you’ll notice a pattern of positive action. We are so busy accomplishing whatever is on out to-do list, we lose sight of all that we actually Do. By Friday, you’ve probably forgotten that you completed that special project on Monday; if it’s written down, it’s there in black and white…I always feel much better when I reflect on the week and all that I really did accomplish. Otherwise, I only think about (and beat myself up about) those things that are not quite complete.

3) Engage an accountability partner. Have you ever had an accountability partner, a person you talk with every day, or any set interval you choose, to hold each other accountable for actions we commit to taking? When we tell someone else what we intend to do, it is more likely the action will be taken. If you are really serious about getting more clients, finishing your book, not talking to or seeing your ex, completing a big project, just about any action you want to complete, an accountability partner is an important component. Plus, your accountability partner will help you pay attention to your wins…and celebrate with you!

Celebration is a big deal. And, it does not have to be big or expensive. There was a time my celebration was to make a cup of coffee and put whipped cream on top…turned regular coffee into a $5 brew right here at home. Cinnamon on top of the whipped cream was even better! Sometimes my celebration was to prepare my favorite dinner, or add a candle to the dinner table. Celebration is just something special for yourself.

There ya go! 3 ways to reflect on your wins…and celebrate! Track daily habits. Review those habits weekly. Engage an accountability partner. This process can be as simple or as detailed and fancy as you choose.

And, celebrate your wins. You are taking daily forward motion; that’s not easy. . You are creating your very own Life, the Life you choose and love. That requires dedication and commitment. YEA YOU!