3 Steps to Help Choose New Direction in Your Life

Today you are at a milestone in your Life.

Behind you are all the struggles, the fear and hurt; behind you is the craziness of walking on eggshells, questioning your every thought, crying yourself to sleep. Behind you is your life as a victim of domestic abuse. That life is behind you, in the past. The past is years ago, hours ago, minutes ago. We can’t change what happened one minute ago; that time is behind you.

Ahead lies a new horizon of exciting possibilities … You created this reality by leaving your abuser. Each new day provides a clean slate. You know each 24 hours is in your control now. Each sunrise brings the opportunity for you to take one more step toward creating a stronger, healthier, more stable You.

You have made great forward strides in your life. You left abuse behind!

The basics of living are fore-front in your mind: finances, housing, meals, physical health and safety.

Equally as important as those is your emotional health. If you don’t change your in-side programed lessons (things you learned growing up) that attracted your abuser, nothing changes long term. If you don’t change your in-side responses, your emotions and actions, to stimuli (things that happen in your life), nothing changes long term.

Dr. Wayne Dyer described personal growth the best I’ve ever read: When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change!

Today you are at a milestone in your Life. Today, choose to change the way you look at things.

This moment may be the first time you’ve thought about the impact of personal growth in creating and embracing who you are. As long as you continue thinking the same way (feeling hurt, angry, cheated by life) nothing changes.

Doing the same things over and over, expecting different results is what? Some people say it’s insanity. I say it’s a victim state of mind. We can whine and cry, be angry and feel drained. We can “wonder why” our lives are “like this” when others are happy, thriving and enjoying life. Yet, we keep doing the same things: re-acting to stimuli in our lives, embracing the emotions of fear and re-acting in anger. Over and over and over.

Today you are at milestone in our Life. This new thought is revolutionary: YOU are in control of your life!

You’ve come so far! You left your abuser!! You are a survivor, a victor not a victim.

You have the power to change your mind-set, change how you look at things, create the life you love.

No matter how long you’ve been out of abuse, these 3 steps will empower you to choose a new direction.

1) Who ARE you? At 53, after living in abuse for 34 years, I had no idea who I was. I was still there, buried real deep, but I was there. You are, too!

I suggest you begin taking an inventory of your whole life…from your earliest memory til today.

When were you happiest? At what age did you have fun, loving, joyful memories? Focus there! You might tread through some unpleasant memories, but pass them by for now. You’re looking for the enjoyable, the happy, the fond memories. They are there. Maybe buried. Maybe hidden. Let them surface to the light of your conscious mind.

Write down what you remember, how you felt, where you were, who was with you?

Begin a conversation with that person, your younger self. I think you’ll find that many traits she carried with her are still in you today! Choose to identify, uncover, and grow those traits.

This process may require an hour or weeks. Don’t rush. Take your time. Stay on track. You are discovering your authentic life.

2) When something happens to us, we tend to re-act. I learned in my years of living in abuse to protect myself. Sometimes that was by answering questions with half-truths or out right lies, when I knew an honest answer would incite an argument and fight. That re-action, that self-protection technique, was not healthy, but it avoided many emotional and physical bruises.

Dr. Viktor Frankl taught “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

In that moment (space) between stimulus (what happens) and our response, we are able to choose a different course of action than has been our habit. The Moment (space) might be a nano-second or a day; However long it takes to process a response rather than a re-action.

In a healthy relationship honest answers to his questions don’t incite fights. It took several occurrences, and use of the Moment, to trasnform my re-actions to responses. In healthy relationships I can tell full truths, not half truths or lies. Creating the Moment gave my mind time to realize I was safe and could be myself, tell the truth without negative repercussion.

Practice creating a Moment between stimulus and response. The results are astounding! You’ll be changing the way you look at things, and building a healthy mind-set. In-side change…it’s rewarding!

3) Have you ever walked into a conference room full of people you don’t know and as you scan the room with your eyes one person attracts your attention? You’ve never met this person but you strike up a conversation and soon feel as if you’ve been friends for a long time?

That experience is the result of energy. As humans we send and receive energy signals 24/7/365. When the energy we are sending is received by someone with similar energy, there’s a connection. It happens all the time, doesn’t it?

This phenomenon has been described as The Law of Attraction. Yep, it sounds wooo-wooo, and it may be. But it is also real.

Some call this energy intuition, and it is. It’s also identified as nudges or guidance. It’s that, too. Whatever you choose to call the energy you send and receive, pay attention to it! Our bodies are created as walking towers…sending and receiving messages, energy, generally just happens.

The cool thing is that we make the choice to send happy, loving, caring energy OR fearful, angry, unhappy energy. Knowing you have a choice, which do you choose to send? If your primary energy has been that of a victim, that’s how people see and “feel” you. If you send upbeat, positive, happy energy, you’ll attract upbeat, positive, happy people into your life.

The choice is totally yours. Which do you choose?

There are 3 actionable suggestions to help choose a new direction in your life.

Who is in charge of your thoughts, emotions and actions? You are. Who chooses how you perceive your past? You do. Who has the power to change the way you look at things? You!

Today you are at a milestone in your life. Right this Moment, you have the power to choose a new direction for your life. Stay the same or change? What’s it gonna be??